Tag Archives: weather

Academics Love Miserable Weather

Climate Control

The idea that the weather and people’s moods are connected is quite old. Do you agree? If yes, how does the weather affect your mood?

The weather affects people’s moods to the extent they allow it. If weather was a factor the people in Seattle and London would be miserable. Yeah, there are studies that might support that hypotheses, but it was largely financed by miserably academics who dedicate their lives to finding misery no matter where it lurks and if not, invent it.

Academics love rainy days and bad weather. You give them a bad day and a coffee shop and they’re as happy a high school dropout with a bag of weed and two six packs of Bud Light in a trailer park on a Friday night.

My short story for the day is the Part five of Class Reunion.

 

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What happened in Boise last week?

Grown men cried, mothers wept, children sobbed; Boise State lost, the city was in gloom.

Grown men cried, mothers wept, children sobbed; Boise State lost, the city was in gloom.

There was a crack in the pavement at the intersection of Fairview and Milwaukee that I observed going from three feet to three and a half feet.

Costco had a special on Chicken Alfredo. I purchased two and froze one.

There was a dark cloud of gloom over the city last week. I hate to write again about Rick Lantz and the weather, but it’s the only thing going for us in Boise at the time.

He started out the weather report this past Sunday with, “Don’t be fooled friends, that is not rain in the forecast. It’s tears from Boise State’s loss to the Washington Huskies in Seattle. A high pressure ridge moved all that Seattle moisture in the form of tears lift there by Boise fans into the Treasure Valley.”

There was doom in the city last week. There were outcries from bars. Young mothers shrieked, ran from their homes into the streets carrying and holding their infants close and tightly covering their eyes and ears so they would not have to watch or hear anymore. Oh, the humanity!

“Defeat and humility are good for the soul.” I think somebody said that once. That’s what Byron Hout really said to LeGarette Blount at the end of the Boise/Oregon game in 2009. Blount clocked Hout and Oregon went on to be a better team.

Wait a minute, that’s what Rudy at Rudy‘s shoe repair used to say all the time; “De feet is good for de sole. Now you owe me $27.50.”

“But, Rudy, I only paid $25 for the shoes.”

“Hey, look, if I charge you less, my soul would be hurting and not you feets.”

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Boise Is A Meteorological Oddity; It Has No Weather

They tell me this is weather guy Rick Lantz. I've seen Lantz; his hair is gray and he has a nose.

They tell me this is Channel 7 KTVB weather guy Rick Lantz. I’ve seen Lantz; his hair is gray and he has a nose.

Daily Prompt: Viral

The New York Times is going to feature your blog on its home page, and you’ve been asked to publish a new post — it’ll be the first thing tens of thousands of new readers see. Write it.

There is something peculiar about the Boise weathermen on TV. They stay the same from day to day. I think they start in early June and replay the same tape over and over again. There is hardly any variation in the weather.

One day I was watching the weatherman on TV. I immediately got in my car. No more than a half-mile from my home I saw a homeless guy on the street corner that looked exactly like the weatherman; the same smile, sport jacket (a little tattered), and holding a sign, “Will do yard work, magic tricks, and predict weather for food.”

The forecast is always the same: “The high today will be in the upper nineties with a possibility of triple digits by the end of the day. There’s a chance of rain coming through the valley, but that won’t cool things down much. Look for a cool down (95) before the weekend, but warming again for the Saturday and Sunday.”

Once a month they take a thin sheet of steel and flex it just so people will know how thunder sounds. Somebody stands over them with a watering can drenching them with water so people will know to associate rain with thunder. It’s remarkable how quickly you forget those things. If not for the weather man saying so, I’d leave the house every time without an umbrella.

The weathermen play this percentage game with us: “Tomorrow rain! There is a 30% chance of rain.” That means there is a 70% it won’t! I measure their sincerity by whether they tell me to take my umbrella with me.

People drive to Seattle for the weather.

In fact, if not for the grass and forest fires and pollution we wouldn’t have any weather at all in Boise.

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Boise’s Still Hot, So What Else Is New?

It's so dry the blue turf is browning out.

It’s so dry the blue turf is browning out.

t’s so hot and dry in Boise right now that when I drove down to Bronco Stadium there were brown spots on the blue turf.

The grass in my lawn mugged the fire hydrant down on the corner.

I walked out to check the mail the other day a clematis wrapped around my leg and held me hostage until I called on my cell phone for my wife to turn on the sprinklers. She didn’t know how so we agreed a hostage exchange. I let my wife sit it out for a while.

It is interesting that the temperature on my home page is usually five degrees warmer than the official high reported by the weather guy on TV. I think he might be one of those global warming deniers. He’s never going to move up to the Weather Channel with that type of independent thinking.

Although I did notice an interesting phenomenon. My computer sits near a window and when the shades are drawn the temperature on my home page dropped five degrees.

Well, that’s what’s going on in Boise; make you want to visit doesn’t it?

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Heat Brings Problems To Boise

Green spy paint is in short supply in Boise.

Green spy paint is in short supply in Boise.

Once again the temperatures are steady in the triple digits in Boise for the entire week. Along with the lack of rain, low humidity and cigarette smokers not allowed to smoke inside it poses a danger for possible brush fires.

People are starting to use green spry paint to keep their lawns green. This is causing unrest among the youth in the city. There is a shortage of green spy paint. Kids now have a limited selection on which to get a buzz.

During the heat of summer crime is on the rise, especially in Boise. White Mormon crime has hit an all time high. Two Mormon missionaries were apprehended leaving a Starbuck’s with caffeinated iced coffee.

Mosquitoes are rare in Idaho. They are on the increase, believed to be brought in by Californians where blood-sucking is legal. Repellents often exceed the expiration date, but are bought by teenagers who believe it is an effective substitute for the depleted spray paint supply.

 

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Boise Blues: The Weather Is Hot, But The Cat Was Dry

heat_1[1]It was really hot in Boise this past week, record-breaking hot.

It was all made possible by global warming nut-job advocates. Al Gore did a fly-over (at 32,000 feet) and the local Weather Channel devotees wanted to show their support. He waved. At least it looked like him. Imagine Al Gore’s face pressed against the window of an airplane and looking out or better yet pressed against the window of the White House looking in.

On my computer one weather station in Boise reported 117 degrees Fahrenheit. It’s possible a global warming nut hacked into my computer to make it seem hotter. Maybe not, because my computer is next to the window. When I lowered the shade the temperature quickly dropped to a respectable 72.

I was talking to a cab driver out at the airport. He’s from Saudi Arabia. I tried to strike up a conversation with him. “Did you bring this weather with you?”

I’m starting a new phrase, “It’s not the humidity, it’s the heat.”

Anyway it was so hot I saw a homeless guy with his bare feet in a tub of water and holding a sign, “Need ice.” I gave him a twenty to put his shirt back on. If I had a fifty I would have paid him to put some pants on over his speedos.

It was so hot someone baked a batch of cookies in the trunk of their car. They topped them with Fix-A-Flat icing. Unfortunately a cat got trapped in the trunk also. It came out a little dry. The next time I hope they remember to baste it in its one juices every fifteen minutes.

Anyway, that was the week in Boise.

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Forever Rain (short fiction)

RainLake[1]Daily Prompt: Singin’ in the Rain

Safe inside, toasty warm, while water pitter-patters on the roof… describe your perfect, rainy afternoon.

She knitted. I read. Two Queen Ann chairs faced the window separated by an end table with two cups of coffee. Beyond the window, rain as far as the imagination could carry.

It was a Fall rain. It sprinkled on the deck overlooking the small lake that lapped against its pilings. The gray sky did little to dull the brightness of the maples bordering the shores, red and yellow like a blazing fire. The rain was steady as a heart beat with little to no variation; small drops like the tears of God and angels endlessly splashing on the deck, lake, and roof. The sound was like an endless draw on a chorus of violins.

Behind us the crackle of a low fire in a stone fireplace, just enough to chase away the chill and dampness.

“How long did the weatherman say it was going to rain?” she said.

“Forever,” I said.

“They are getting more accurate at weather these days,” she said.

“I hope so,” I said.

Rainy day bloggers:

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

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  56. Ninety Percent Chance of Showers | The Life Nomadik
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  58. Daily Prompt: Singin’ in the Rain – show us RAIN. | masadiso79’s Blog
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  65. Daily Prompt: Singin’ in the Rain by michelle w. on June 15, 2013 | ruthrambles
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  67. The Daily Prompt: Singin’ In The Rain – And Watching Old, Scary Movies | Joseph Rathjen – Freelance Writing
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