Tag Archives: Ohio

The Kewpee, Lima, Ohio

Kewpee, original location, downtown Lima, Ohio.

Kewpee, original location, downtown Lima, Ohio.

City Planners

If you could clone one element from another city you’ve visited — a building, a cultural institution, a common street food, etc. — and bring it back to your own hometown, what would it be?

My current hometown is Boise, Idaho. It is a good town, a fair city, a city with many things and if those things don’t exist in that city they are not worth having. There is, though, this one exception. It is something all other cities lack, but one – Lima, Ohio, my former hometown.  It has a place that if it has to be explained you would not understand it.

Inside the Kewpee, downtown, Lima. I look at this and almost come to tears: from the onions on my hamburger of course.

Inside the Kewpee, downtown, Lima. I look at this and almost come to tears: from the onions on my hamburger of course.

It has the Kewpee. It’s a hamburger restaurant (joint). It creates the best hamburger ever.  I know ya’ll have some greasy spatula hole-in-the-wall joint tucked away between the old movie theater that is now the Foursquare Gospel Revival Church and Jasper’s Second Hand Furniture, Appliances, and Tarot Card Reading Shop. And ya swear there’s nothing better. Well that’s okay. We all have a place like that.

The Kewpee in Lima has been a part of Lima all my life. It had only one location when I was a kid. It was a treat to go there. I went there when I started roaming the streets as a kid. It’s full of incredible memories. The guy who pressed out the burgers on the grill when I was a kid was doing the same thing when I brought my kids in for a burger.

Anyway I’d like to clone that place and move it about a block from my house.

Here’s a link to another post I made about the Kewpee and one about my Kewpee coffee cup.

Here is the link to my short story for the day, Family Pub, it is in episode 3.

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Gutman, Ohio; The Jittery Goat Travel Log – Places I’ve Been

Gutman, a hundred years ago, in its heyday.

Gutman, a hundred years ago, in its heyday.

Gutman, Ohio is on Route 65 about 5 1/2 miles north of Jackson Center, Ohio.

I lived near Gutman.

The neat thing about this place is that you don’t have to slow down when you go through it. That makes the average legal speed 55 MPH, perhaps the highest average legal speed limit within an entire population center in the nation.

It’s unclear from where Gutman got its name. I don’t want to know how Gutman got its name, but something must have happened there and it wasn’t good.

Nobody famous came from Gutman. Somebody famous drove through Gutman, but refused to be identified.

At one time a store was there. I needed milk so went in to buy some.

I asked the guy who ran the place where the milk was.

“Dairy, aisle 12,” he said.

I smiled. “There’s only one aisle.”

‘We started with twelve,” he said. “We were expecting bigger things.”

I went to the dairy case. There was only one gallon remaining. I looked at the date. “Hey,” I said. “This expired ten days ago.”

“My, how time flies,” he said. “We’re expecting a delivery tomorrow. We’ll have fresh then.”

“I’ll just come back tomorrow,” I said.

“Before ya go can ya do me a favor,” he said.

“Sure,” I said. “What’s that?”

“Slide that gallon of milk down about two feet in the dairy case,” he said. “That’s the cottage cheese section.”

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Peter And Uncle Joe Down On The Farm

 Write about whatever you’d like, but write using regional slang, your dialect, or in your accent.

“I wantcha ta rid up the barn taday,” Uncle Joe said.

“Why taday?” Peter said. “It coulduv been done yesterday. Taday I got plans in Rooshe (Russia).”

“Werk on the farm comes first,” Uncle Joe said.

“That’s the point,” Peter said. “It coulduv been done yesterday. So I kin do it tamorrow.”

“Ya got ta pick up a wagon of corn tamorrow in Montree (Montra),” Uncle Joe said.

“I kin do all that tamorrow,” Peter said.

“When ya gonna hep yer Mom fer the git-tagether?” Uncle Joe said.

“All she’s fixin’ is a covered dish,” Peter said.

“You’d do anything’ not ta do any werk on the farm,” Uncle Joe said.

Peter clenched his jaw. “That’s not true, just anything’ not ta hep you.”

“Ya ain’t never gonna mount ta anythin’ with a mind like that,” Uncle Joe said.

“Yeah, Uncle Joe,” Peter said. “I wannabe jus like you.”

“I gotta mind ta backhand ya,” Uncle Joe said.

“Ya ain’t gotta mind,” Peter said.

Uncle Joe pulled back his hand and moved toward Peter. Peter smiled and stood his ground. It was a moment Peter waited for. He wanted so badly for Uncle Joe to strike him. It gave him options; either to knock him senseless with the crowbar in his hand or leave home for good, or both.

“Peter!” Momma yelled from the back porch door. “Kin ya bring me the mop from the garage?”

The moment was spoiled.

“Sure, Mom,” Peter said. “Wherebouts?”

“Cattycorner from the light switch,” Momma said.

Peter smiled at Uncle Joe. Joe lowered his hand.

“Yera a lucky guy taday, Uncle Joe,” Peter said and glanced at the crowbar held tightly in his hand.

“Ya better never try anything like whatcher thinkin’ ‘bout’,” Uncle Joe said.

“I can’t wait ta leave here,” Peter said.

“I hope ya leave Ohia and never come back,” Uncle Joe said.

“I will go till I hear people pronounce it Ohi-O,” Peter said.

“That’ll be the day,” Uncle Joe said. “You’d hafta go all the way Indianee, Illeenoise, or Ioway.”

“You forgot Nebraskee,” Peter said.

“I didn’t say the states ta the east,” Uncle Joe said.

“Don’t worry ‘bout me hittin’ ya with a crowbar, Uncle Joe,” Peter said. “I like ya just the way you are.”

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Geyer, Ohio; The Jittery Goat Travel Log – Places I’ve Been

I contributed one of these to the Geyer, Ohio junk yard. It was a classic.

I contributed one of these to the Geyer, Ohio junk yard. It was a classic.

I once lived a little more than a half mile east of Geyer, Ohio.

There is really no conceivable reason for Geyer to exist. It’s not at an intersection of two highways, there is no river, or port; it just exists, although it does intersect with a railroad and a township road, but that happens all the time.

There is a junk yard there. I contributed a ‘62 Simca and strongly suspect my ‘63 Chevy truck, I sold to a teenage rabble-rouser, ended up there also. That’s the only commerce in town unless somebody is cooking meth.

I talked to an old timer one time. He told me that there used to be more bars than houses in Geyer. He said there were 11 dwellings, six of which were bars. Sounds like my kind of town.

Geyer used to be on my jogging trail. I recall after many a long run passing through the town and thinking ‘man, I could use a cold one.’ There’s something mystical about places like that; they create something in you that only alcohol can appease.

When giving directions I’d always say, “Take Route 65 south till you smell it and head west until you step in it.”

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Jumbo, Ohio; The Jittery Goat Travel Log – Places I’ve Been

Jumbo, Ohio town sign and the city skyline in the background. Imagine waking up to that every  morning.

Jumbo, Ohio town sign and the city skyline in the background. Imagine waking up to that every morning.

I’m going out on a limb here, but I’m going to say Jumbo, Ohio has the largest mobile home population per capita in the world. Of the 12 standing buildings (not including storage sheds) 10 are mobile homes. All inhabitants live in mobile homes.

When my son went to a local college a student in the class announced to all that he was from Jumbo. My son immediately replied, “Oh really, which trailer is yours?”

Likely the town was named as the result of grandiose thinking.

I “googled” it on Google Maps and got nothing except a bunch of places in Ohio that have Jumbo in their name, but no Jumbo, Ohio. Likely a good place for a secret government project. Maybe it is. Has anyone actually looked inside the mobile homes? They could be missile launching platforms.

What baffles me is that a tornado has not found its way to Jumbo yet. It’s a disaster waiting to happen. Come on, the odds are a tornado has to strike there. The place has to be the Susan Lucci of trailer parks.

Anyway Jumbo, Ohio is about 7.5 miles southwest of downtown Kenton, Ohio on Route 67.

According to Hardin County, Ohio standards it’s a bedroom community of Kenton. I think it’s more like I-ran-out-of-gas-and-decided-to-live-here community.

Few towns have a complete video of the entire town, Jumbo does.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDSlwf8yNig

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The Jittery Goat Travel Log – Places I’ve Been; Williamstown, Ohio

The only place you will see "truckers" and "Bon-Air" in close proximity on one another; one mile west of Williamstown, Ohio. You should go there and see it.

The only place you will see “truckers” and “Bon-Air” in close proximity of one another; one mile west of Williamstown, Ohio. You should go there. and see it.

Williamstown, Ohio is one of the first towns, that I have knowledge of, that road planners had the good sense to bypass. And with good reason. It is nothing more than a speed bump to interstate commerce. It should have been relocated the same time of deregulation.

Williamstown is on old Route 30 (now State Route 304) known as the Lincoln Highway. It’s about 12 miles due south of Findley, Ohio by way of State Route 68.

One time on my way to New York I decided rather than take the bypass I’d suffer the Williamstown intercity traffic and drive through town.

I got behind tractor hauling manure. The traffic stinks!

What was amusing about the town is a street called College Street, but no college. Was there the hopes or the promise of a college for the future? Maybe it was a Warren G. Harding campaign promise.

Perhaps an alternative definition of ‘college’ was used; a collection of people with the same background, interests, profession, and so on. If so what was it? I can’t imagine two of the same of anything in Williamstown. Than again, since we know so little about the Electoral College in the US Constitution they just might meet in Williamstown to decide the President.

Anyway, when someone asks me what college I attended; I tell them Williamstown. Can I help it if we aren’t thinking of the same definition? And besides whose going to say, “That depends on what your definition of college is?”

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The Jittery Goat Travel Log – Places I’ve Been; Zone, Ohio

Daily Prompt: Blogger in a Strange Land 

What’s the strangest place from which you’ve posted to your blog? When was the last time you were out and about, and suddenly thought, “I need to write about this!”?

imagesCA3HOI5BIn as much as the Daily Prompt has announced a sabbatical of sorts and will only be posting older prompts for a time, I have decided to post something that I haven’t posted at the urging of the Daily Prompt. It sort of fit’s today’s prompt. It is not about the strangest place I’ve posted from nor about a place I’ve been and just had to write about, but a place I’ve been. In fact, for all you fun-loving travelers who enjoy reading about far-flung out-of-the-way intriguing places it will be a weekly feature on the Jittery Goat. I’m calling it The Jittery Goat Travel Log. Here is the repost of my first in the series which started three weeks ago.

I’ve never been to a lot of places, but here’s a place you haven’t been that I have.

I’ve been to Zone, Ohio. I bet you haven’t and if you say you have you’re probably laying. You’ve probably never heard of it.

Zone is so remote and unheard of you can’t if find it on a Google Map, but it’s there. You just have to know what you’re looking for.

Go to your Google Map and type in Fayette, Ohio. Follow Route 66 about three miles south of Fayette. Zone is where Route 66 crosses Road L. They have a sign planted firmly in the ground that proudly reads, “Zone.”

There’s nothing there. I don’t mean nothing nothing, of course there’s something there.

A home sits on the north/west corner of the intersection of Route 66 and Road L. It looks as if it may have been a country market at one time.

Just south of the center of Zone is what appears to be a school or what might have been a school at one time. Can you imagine the confusion; a sign saying, “School Zone” and another saying, “Zone School.”

Don’t you wonder if anything ever happens in Zone. Of course something happens, but you know a Presidential visit, a terrorist’s threat, a flat tire.

I’ve been through Zone a hundred times. It got to be so regular that the people of Zone lined the streets and said, “There he goes again.”

The place is so bland it doesn’t even have a demographic.

Hopefully now if somebody Googles Zone, Ohio it will now have it’s place in cyber-world.

So I’m going to undertake writing the complete history of Zone.

The origins of Zone, Ohio are currently unknown. The people are friendly and trustworthy (I think), little else is known about them. The name Zone comes from the word “Zone.”

If you are ever in Zone; knock on a door and say, “Kenton Lewis wrote about this place. Can I have a hand-out.” They will say, “Who is Kenton Lewis?” Reply, “The guy that drove through here a bunch of times.” They will than say, “Oh, that Kenton Lewis.”

Keep in mind Zone is not for everybody. That’s why everybody is someplace else.

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