You Can Have Fun Without Dying

I've always thought of the British to be a sound and sane people, especially over the French, but they "Eye of London" has cast grave doubt on my previously held conviction.
I’ve always thought of the British to be a sound and sane people, especially over the French, but the “Eye of London” has cast grave doubt on my previously held conviction.

Daily Prompt: Never Again

Have you ever gone to a new place or tried a new experience and thought to yourself, “I’m never doing that again!”

I don’t like heights. I know, a lot of people say that, but being in a tall building creeps me out. I don’t think I’ve ever looked over the edge of a cliff. Why? I know it’s a long way down and everything at the bottom is too small to make out anyway.

I have been on a Ferris Wheel once in my life. Ferris should have been hung, drawn, and quartered. Every mention of him, his name, and stupid invention should be expunged from human annals and memories.

A few years back my buddy Ronnie, his family along with my family and I went to the Cedar Point Amusement Park. Let me state from the onset that is a misnomer, there was nothing amusing about them.

Ronnie begged me to get on the roller coaster. “Why, in God’s name, would anyone get on a contraption that takes you as close to death as you ever want to get and wait two hours in line to do it?”

“Come on,” Ronnie said. “It will be fun.”

“Okay,” I agreed thinking that a two hour wait would give plenty of time for any reasonable person to give up and walk away.

The entire wait Ronnie kept urging, “It will be fun.”

“That’s what they told Africans three hundred years ago,” I said. “’It will be fun, it’s just a boat ride.’ And to the Jews they said, ‘It will be fun, it’s just a train ride and we go to a camp afterwards.’”

The next thing I know we’re being strapped in the roller coaster and Ronnie is two cars ahead of me smiling like…

“This is stupid to strap us in, we’re all going to die anyway,” I said.

“Isn’t this fun,” Ronnie said.

The merchant of death’s device began to move. I was trapped.

It clicked slowly up the first and steepest climb. I envisioned myself being tied to a chair and pushed off a bridge into a gorge. Why? I broke no laws, did no harm, and cast no spells.

Click, click, click. “Isn’t this fun,” Ronnie said turning around and looking at me with a grin like…

“Ronnie,” I said. “If we make it out alive I’m going to kill you.”

“Isn’t this fun,” Ronnie said.

The coaster was near the apex. I scanned my last view of humanity. I looked below. People looked like mere ants busily preparing for my death. From there I could see far over Lake Erie, and then the drop followed my twists, turns, and less fearful climbs. In a matter a bit more than two minutes it was over.

My legs were weak and rubbery as I stumbled from the coaster. “Come on, Ronnie, let’s do it again!” I said. “Man, that was fun!”

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11 comments

  1. I went to that park a few years ago and found it to be fun. There is one ride that shoots you straight up and down several times, and it completely traumatized me. I will NEVER get on that ride again, hahaha!

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