Try Nutri-pill! (a commercial script)

Terry Bradshaw before Nutri-pill
Terry Bradshaw before Nutri-pill

Daily Prompt: Red Pill, Blue Pill

If you could get all the nutrition you needed in a day with a pill — no worrying about what to eat, no food preparation — would you do it?

If you could get all the nutrition you needed in a day with a pill — no worrying about what to eat, no food preparation — would you do it?

Of course you would!

For a limited time only we are offering Nutri-pill.

Terry Bradshaw after 90 days on Nutri-pill.
Terry Bradshaw after 90 days on Nutri-pill.

Scientist have recently discovered a village in Central China where the people live incredibly healthy lives. It’s based on an ancient secret formula.  They drink carbonated sugary soda, potato chips, ice cream, desserts, fatty fried foods, and drink beer all day long without gaining a pound. And what’s more – THEY DON’T DIE!

Some studies suggest it even reverses the aging process. Think about it! Young again!

Their cholesterol is low. Their blood pressure is low. Their libido skyrockets. There arteries are clean. They have great looking skin and bodies. They never forget a name, anniversary, birthday or meaningless trivial facts.

They have energy to complete every task they start. They sleep only when they want to. They often say, “There’s just too many hours in a day.”

You will be the life of the party. You will be outgoing, energetic, and likable. Think about it, no more lonely nights with Mom, the cat, rice cakes, and watching The Golden Girls.

Buy some for Mom. She’d love to go clubing with you!

How would you like to be among the millions who are already one of our Nutri-pill customers and benefiting from it’s secret formula?

This ancient secret formula is now in pill form.

Nutri-pill can be yours, now! A ninety day supply for only a low, low $19.95!

But wait there’s more! If you respond to this TV offer in the next thirty minutes we will double that offer. We will send you a six months’ supply for the incredibly low price of $19.95! That is a $1,000,000 (or more) offer for $19.95!

What would good health and everlasting life be without a pocket hose?
What would good health and everlasting life be without a pocket hose?

And also, if you act now we will throw in the hose that everybody is talking about – The Pocket Hose absolutely free.

There is no money-back guarantee because it will work, you will be satisfied, we will close-up shop and split to Brazil.

Do you want to eat all you want, do all you want, be all you want, live forever and be healthy vibrant, good-looking and sexy plus have The Pocket Hose? It’s all yours for only 19.95! 19.95! That’s right Nutri-pill for only 19.95! We must be out of our minds. Act now! Supplies are limited. (There will be a slight charge for shipping and handling and overnight deliveries.)

Be sure to tell your friends about Nutri-pill! (that is, of course, if you would rather they to die of clogged arteries, heart disease, cancer, old age, or loneliness.)

Pill Poppin’ Bloggers:

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

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22 comments

  1. I would do this in a heartbeat. But of course I’m a sucker for TV offers. How else to explain the Ronco Lifetime Consumption Award?

  2. I’m pretty sure I almost lost it when you mentioned that you get that hose for free. That commercial is all I see on late night TV.
    Thanks for this. It was GREAT!

  3. Well done – but it still wouldn’t convince me! I like real food too much, with all the benefits – prep, anticipation, the lingering smells, leftovers . . . But the ad was enjoyable, no question. Thanks for your creativity!

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