What Can We Learn About How A Booger Is Picked?

I have no caption for this; it speaks for itself.
I have no caption for this; it speaks for itself.

Daily Prompt: Mad Libs

Turn to your co-workers, kids, Facebook friends, family — whoever — and ask them to suggest an article, an adjective, and a verb. There’s your post title! Now write.

Men are all about economy of time and space. We try to get as much activity into a small frame of time as possible. We take advantage of every little portal of time and opportunity to get away with something. Our lives revolve around getting as much done with little effort or movement. We brag about it. It’s not enough to kill two birds with one stone; we want a way to hurl a whole truckload of gravel at a flock.

How Men And Women Approach A Task

Take the backyard barbecue. It started out as just a flat grate grill. It was simple – burgers. The rotisserie was added to roast chicken and grill hamburgers at the same time. Then came another grate above the other one to keep items warm while grilling the hamburgers and roasting the chicken. Somewhere in time, the lid was added to give a smokier flavor to the grilled burgers, the roasted chicken, and items on the warming grate. A side burner was added to heat the beans at the same time the burgers were cooking, the chicken was roasting, and the food was warming, and all while getting a smokier flavor. I’m certain that some man somewhere already has all of the above along with a microwave oven, satellite dish, and cruise missile launcher. You’ll see it in a year or two at Costco.

Women are known for multi tasking, but in a different way. They come already genetically engineered like that grill that took man centuries to develop. While driving they apply make-up, style hair, brushing teeth, text a dozen friends all while eating a sausage, cheese, and egg muffin and sipping a vanilla latte with extra whipped topping. Men would have to build a devise to do all that.

What Do Men Do With Boogers?

Men experience entirely different dilemmas while driving. Suddenly there is an uncomfortable sensation in the nose. He inserts the exploratory finger to investigate. The unexpected and unplanned occurs. He dislodges a booger loosely attached to the sidewall of a nostril. (One might wonder why he did not use a hanky. That means unsnapping the seatbelt. He, being safety conscience, would not put himself or others at risk by reaching to unsnap the belt.) He cautiously removes it from his nostril as if he’s disarming a time bomb and examines it for cut, clarity, and size. What now to do with it? Again, to extract the hanky from his pocket might be too dangerous. He rolls down the window in preparation to allow wind velocity to remove it from his finger. He calibrates the speed needed to have it freely dislodge from the finger. He extends his hand, but the booger sticks. He is already at the posted maximum speed. He rolls it hoping it might just drop from his finger. It remains as if attached with Velcro. He must now flick it. For a brief moment, he quickly calculates the speed needed for it to clear his car and land safely on the street. If some one follows too closely, a booger could end up on their windshield. As disgusting as this all sounds, think of the lives saved.

The next time you see a dead fly on your windshield, check the car in front of you. Five will get you ten you will see a guy conducting an after pick nostril inspection. In addition, if he happens to look back, honk twice and say, “Ya got me.”

What Do Women Do With Boogers?

I have yet to see a woman drive and pick her nose. I don’t know how they do it. Are women genetically engineered not to have boogers? On the other hand, are they just more couth than men? I am sure they would argue that. I think the answer is far more sinister. They treat it as if a mystery only women know. It’s like when they say, “You know what I mean!” and we haven’t a clue what they mean, but we pretend to know what they mean. Then we go around all day with a headache trying to figure out ‘what does she mean.’

The answer to that mysterious and unknown statement is that she means nothing. There is nothing. It’s all a conspiracy. They only want us to think there is a meaning. Which leads me to another conclusion; they have to be picking their noses. I know it. Physiology and logic dictates they do. The mystery is, what do they do with it?

I’ve wondered with all the stimulus money that was spent on studies, if I could get a million or two to study why men are more nostril sensitive than women. Are nerve endings in different places with men than women? If a man has an obstruction in the nose he knows it immediately, but he can go around for a week with barbeque sauce on his chin. You don’t see that with a woman.



  1. I am wishing for the free time that you had, to ponder on this post! “Inciteful, and extremely thought proving!” says the Vocano Sunset Press. “While grotesque, the author truly captures the raw nature of Boogerdom! says the New York Researcher’s Magazine!

Blather away, if you like.

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