If A Woman Don’t Find You Handsome They Should At Least Find You Handy

Daily Prompt: Cliché

Clichés become clichés for a reason. Tell us about the last time a bird in the hand was worth two in the bush for you.

Two aren't always better than one, especially when a bird in the hand is better than two in the bush.
Two aren’t always better than one, especially when a bird in the hand is better than two in the bush.

“Just look at him Harry,” Maxine said taking a sip of beer from a can. “He’s getting another Oscar. Twenty years ago I kicked him out of my apartment and divorced him. He was always too busy to fix the light switch or too busy to fix the drip in the faucet. He had other things to do. He worked morning till night, for what; to buy me a cheap pair of earrings? When we split I could only hock them for a couple of hundred dollars.”

“That was pretty good money twenty years ago,” Harry said leaning forward to listen to the Oscar presentations on the television.

“Look at him, they say he’s sex symbol,” Maxine said flinging the back at her hand towards the television. “When I knew him he was nothing. He was a zero.”

“Can you be quiet, Maxine,” Harry said edging closer to the television. “I want to hear if he mentions you in his acceptance.”

“When the divorce was final he joined this acting class, because he said he needed to come out of the shell I put him in. That’s where snails live. He was a snail I tell you! A snail has more gumption.” Maxine passed gas. “Take that you worm.”

“I thought you said he was a snail, now you say he‘s a worm?” Harry said. “What’s that smell? Smells like the garbage disposal isn‘t working again.”

“Snail!” Maxine said. “He had the gumption of a snail, but the personality of a worm.”

“Yeah I see what you mean, Maxine,“ Harry said. “Anyone can tell that. Look he can’t hardly make it up the steps to get his Oscar.”

“Sure I was unfaithful,” Maxine said woefully. “But what was I going to do? If the facets dripped I had an affair with you, Harry and when the light switch needed fixed I had an affair with Johnny.”

“They say he made twenty-two million dollars last year,” Harry said. “Yeah, and I bet his faucets still leak.”

“What about the garbage disposal?” Maxine said. “Didn’t you just say it’s not working?”

“That’s a job for the electrician.”

“Johnny!” Maxine bellowed. “What are you doin’?”

“I’m in the bedroom watching your ex get another Oscar!” Johnny said. “It looks like he’s tired of getting them. He looks winded.”

“Well get out here and fix my garbage disposal!” Maxine said.

“Yeah,” Harry said. “It smells like somebody farted.”

“It’s smells terrible out here!” Maxine said.

“In a minute, in a minute,” Johnny said.

“You know something Maxine? You never had it so good. Somethin’ goes wrong ya got two guys livin’ with ya that can about fix anything. When ya had that no-account actor nothin’ got done around here.”

“Listen, listen,” Harry said. “Let’s see if he mentions you in his acceptance speech.”

“I’d like to thank my first wife who kicked me out of the house. That sent me to acting school and where I find myself today. And by the way, I’m not saying I’m good, but it took two men to replace me.”

“Did you hear that, Johnny?” Harry said. “He even mentioned us, what a guy!”

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