There comes a time when you must change and today is the day. I need a new barber, but breaking off with an old barber can be just as traumatic as a divorce for both you and the barber.
You have shared your life with him, likewise so has he. You know each other’s children, grandchildren, anniversaries, mortgage payment, when the car insurance is due, favorite foods, allergies, and birth marks.
I thought about gradually breaking it off. Maybe go to another barber twice a year, than four times, and than just every other time. In all it will be a four year process. He’ll hardly notice it.
Than again maybe I should just stop altogether. If I do that he’ll be worried and give me a call or he may even drop by the house. What do I say. I would feel like a cheating spouse. He would demand, “Okay, Whose the other barber. Remember I was with you through the hard times; when you were trying to find yourself. There was the long sideburns, the buzz, the mullet, the perm, the comb over.”
Wow! We have been through a lot, but I got to make the change. I’ve heard the same old stories a dozen times. His prices have gone up three times in the last five years. He no longer gives the senior discount. His breath is bad.
I will do it so gradually he’ll never notice it. This is how it went:
“Hey, Lloyd,” I said.
He brushed off the chair. “Climb aboard.”
“You say that every time,” I said.
“Not so,” Lloyd said. “Sometimes I say, ‘all aboard.’”
“Maybe to others, but not to me,” I said.
“What are we havin’ today,” Lloyd said. “The usual.”
“Yeah, the usual,” I said.
Lloyd clipped and sheared away. “How’s it lookin‘?”
“Looks fine, Lloyd,” I said and raised from the chair. “See you next time.”
“But I’ve got to finish around your right ear,” Lloyd said.
“See ya next time,” I said. “Maybe we’ll start with the right side the next time.”
I rushed out and went to my new barber.
I think doing things gradually is the best way. It may be a little slower this way, but eventually we’ll get down to just an eyebrow trim then I’ll be ready to make a clean break.