An Awards Show For Schmucks

There should be an awards show from schmucks, called the Skunkie Schmuck.
There should be an awards show for schmucks, called the Skunkie Schmuck.

Maybe it’s just me (it usually is), but aren’t there too many awards shows? A couple of days ago you had the Golden Globes. The time used to be you had the Emmy’s and the Oscar’s and that was it. Now you have the BET Awards, People’s Choice, The Toney’s, Soap Opera Awards, Screen Actor’s Guild Awards, the Grammy’s, Academy of Country Music Awards, Hip Hop Music Awards, American Music Awards, and on and on and on.

There were around 70 televised awards shows last year.

They all have one thing in common, maybe two things; they are self-absorbing and they are very bad TV. You would think that with all that creative talent assembled in one room they could pull-off a pretty good show, but they can’t. They are miserable productions, everybody knows it and nobody is willing to admit it.

That said, I think it’s high time we turn over the awards to the schmucks. There should be a schmucks award show. There are plenty of nominees. In fact the nominees are probably the same as the people from the other awards shows. But, at least, it will give a chance for some insignificant schmucks to compete.

Just give us a chance.

Here are some possible categories:

1. Nasty Cashier

2. Nasty Customer

3. Belligerent Cop

4. Belligerent Recipient of Traffic Ticket

5. Worst Bartender

6. Most Insulting Salesman or woman

7. Worst Boss

8. Most Obnoxious Waiter Without Being Fired or Punched in Face.

9. Most Ungrateful Child

10. Most Boring Barber

11. Most Obnoxious Driver Without Being Shot

12. Worst Toupee.

13. Most Obnoxious Civil Service Employee

14. Worst Journalism Award (Besides somebody from MSNBC)

15. Worst Celebration After a Quarterback Sack

16. Worst Acceptance Speech At An Awards Show

17. Most Insincere Speech From An Awards Show

18. Worst Public Apology

19. Most Obnoxious TSA Employee

20. Stupidest and Most Insensitive Remark by a Celebrity.

21. Lastly; The Golden Hypocrisy Award

This list is in no way complete, but it’s a start and think such a show has real possibilities. I’m looking for a network right now. I’ve pitched this to all the biggies. They said they’ll get back to me; sounds promising.

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