Every football player in the Super Bowl has a tragic story or background. They have all had to overcome adversity. This makes the game much more meaningful and human. These are real people; just like me and you, but have to overcome so much more. If they don’t have a story than let’s just make some up. It’s called creative journalism.
It’s not enough for them to be over-paid self-indulgent egomaniacs who receive enormous amounts of money for endorsing anything from earmuffs to suppositories and worshipped as gods, but we should feel sorry for them too.
I’ve got some suggestions to make the Super Bowl more interesting. Who cares whether they are true or not; truth has never been a concern of journalism before.
Tom Brady has had to overcome his incredible good looks. “It hasn’t been easy; everybody taunting me with ‘pretty boy, pretty boy’ and it’s true, so true. All I have to do is look in the mirror and there I am, pretty boy.” Tom tears up and apologizes to the camera for his unmanly uncontrollable burst of emotion.
Eli Manning was born into a football family. “Do you know how hard that was as a kid? I wanted to be involved in the arts, but Daddy and big brother, Payton, always picked on me, saying I was a sissy boy. Well they ain’t sayin’ much now. I got a chance for another Super Bowl ring, but I’d really rather be dancing for the New York Ballet Company. They are the true giants of the Big Apple.”
There are some not-so-well known players who have come back from tragic backgrounds to play in the Super Bowl:
Back-up place-kicker Hans Friedrich was a Nazi guard at Auschwitz during the war. Hans’ exact goose-step form made him a perfect long-distance field goal kicker. His holder, Moesha Goldman, is an Auschwitz survivor. They had to overcome the bitterness of their backgrounds to perform at a professional level.
Earlier this year Goldman removed the ball as Friedrich kicked and laughed at him as he lay on the ground. “Take that you Nazi war criminal schlepper!”
At times Friedrich purposely missed the ball and kicked Goldman in the head. “Take that, you scourge to the Fatherland!”
Eventually they gained each other’s trust and friendship.
Dilbert Parker of the Patriots and Denton Parker of the Giants are Siamese twins separated at age six, but now opponents on the gridiron. Neither one can be in a position of calling defensive or offensive plays, because as former closely united twins they think alike. When Dilbert gets his bell rung it’s Denton’s eyes that won’t dilate.
Special teams player Winston Markowski for the Giants is married to a team cheerleader who is also his sister. They both attended Kentucky University Truck Drivn’ and Mechanix School for the Privileged.
Those are just a few heart-wrenching background stories you won’t hear covered by the main stream media that will make this Super Bowl and your life much more meaningful.